Lover
by freefallinginlove
Summary: Bella/Jasper - "There wasn't a story, to be honest with you, oh no. There was an existence. Without joy, without fear and without love. It was nothing to record, and nothing to be proud of.Until him." Secrets and sadness abound. AH/M/OOC
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: This is just a theory. This is only going to be a couple of chapters, or until my brain bleeds out over it. **

**Let me know?!**

**Prologue**

One small moment is all it takes. Swift or slow movement, compression leaving a bruise and taking a long – or short – time to fix, dependant on how well you heal. Who you are makes a difference; what you are remains the same. Like a panel of glass that's hit the wrong way by the elbow of a fallen teenager, or the right way by a burglar – or both, there are spidery cracks, tiny and yet so devastating that one little push can send you overboard. They are ripples that appear across the surface; let the breeze in, the water out, your heart _shatter_.

Yet you smile, or offer the semblance of one, because nobody else is allowed to see you break. Breaking is something you need to do in peace, alone, in the corner or under your sheets – somewhere you know, somewhere you feel trapped... ironically, somewhere you feel totally safe.

You duck your head through the hallways, avoiding looking where you're going because avoiding him is so easy; avoiding the look of hatred or pity you know is going to be there. You turn the corner past that, both literally and metaphorically past him and it's too hard to make it easy again, too easy to make it far too hard. You don't look where you're going, because it's just so much easier to hope the crash-landing that is languishing somewhere in your near future isn't as painful as the last time you took that path.

Father. Brother. Lover. Father, brother, lover. _Fatherbrotherlover. _Him.

They all blend into one until you can barely lift your head to look up at your lecturer, barely take in the words that are being said to you by your roommates. You keep your head down and everything fades into background noise, falling away as you study, cook, drink, sleep, laugh, cry.

Until everything changes.

And it changes because nothing can afford to stay the same for eternity, and if it could, there would be no story here, nothing interesting would have happened then. There wasn't a story, to be honest with you, oh no. There was an existence. Without joy, without fear and without love. It was nothing to record, and nothing to be proud of.

Until him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: The Proverbial thing – Twilight's not mine. The uni doesn't exist, but hey, don'tcha think writing Stories about Volcanoes would be fun?**

**Enjoy! X **

* * *

**1**

I wrapped my hair tightly around my hand – one of my stupid concentration-tics, and looked down at my textbook. I had long ago decided that this module was dull, and I was dull for taking it, and the course. If I carried on with it, was likely to be as dull as it looked right now, but there was no point in complaining about it now. I had made a stupid decision, but I was determined to stick with it, boring or not.

"I'm sorry, is this seat-" I shifted my gaze and he froze, "T-taken?" I looked up at the quiet voice, at the sudden noise in the silence of the library, and bit back a smile and a choked gasp at the same time. "You alright?" His forehead creased in the middle and I frowned too. He was gorgeous, and I wanted to lick him. Oh dear.

"Yeah... yeah, I'm fine." I waved my hand in an attempt to nonchalantly allow him the seat he wanted, but the squeak of my voice made it oh-so-difficult to feign indifference. I cleared my throat again, hoping I could sound vaguely sensible the second time around. "Course... I don't mind at all." He smiled at me and nodded a thank you, pulling out the seat beside me and dropping the book he had been carrying onto the desk with a most startling bang.

My body jerked upright in my seat as I let out a high pitched squeak and brought my hands up in defence. The three other occupants of the library's computer lab shot me glares or worried glances. I felt my face colour and ducked my head, looking anywhere but at him.

"Hey..." After a couple of minutes of blissful silence where I drew my hands from my face and returned to my work, he had to break it, to ruin it. _He had to ruin it._

"Hmm?" I was quiet, but the hmm-ing would be enough for him to think it was alright to as the same question as everyone else –_are you alright? What's wrong? –_I would tell him nothing, and that would be it.

_Except obviously this one was different. _

"I... er... didn't mean to frighten you." He stopped and looked at the book, I could see it in my peripheral vision, "I didn't realise it - the book, I mean - was so... heavy." He gave a half-hearted-lopsided grin, and I finally took a look at his face. Not the profile of before, but the full frontal.

The gasp that I let out of my mouth was ridiculous, but I made it into a coughing fit without looking like a complete and utter bitch. He had a row of stitches across the apples of his cheek, still raw and healing, and a very poorly concealed bruise on the curve of his neck. He winced as he caught me staring, though his eyes were light as his gaze travelled back to the computer screen before him, and he smiled again.

"Awful, isn't it?" He muttered, "Like... just ugly." The smirk returned and I took a breath again, though describing him as ugly was nothing but untrue. He was stunning, with boy-next-door looks, but I remained silent on that front.

"I think it is," I heard suddenly, realising my brain was taking the initiative without any conscious thought. My words were nonsensical from where I was sitting. "But, of course, I wouldn't know without the full story." Another pause, "What happened?" Curiosity got the better of me within two minutes. _That. Didn't. Happen. _I did not get curious.

I scowled for a second, half regretting my decision until he looked down at my feet, staring thickly and intently at my shoes. There was a blush heating his face and he kept his eyes focussing on the bright green of my laces. Only then did I realise his eyes were watering. He was trying not to cry...

I had made him... _Aw. Damn._

"Hey..." I reached my hand out and gripped his wrist, noting the handprint there as his lips tightened into a thin line as he kept almost defiantly staring at my trainers. "Er... You're alright, you know? You're safe... with me." Because that sounded like something he'd need to hear at that moment. He bit his bottom lip and looked back up at me, his bright blue eyes wide but diluted with tears, and his fingers finally loosening their grip on the mouse he had been abusing so harshly. It fell to the table and the pair of us jerked back into the room as the impact clattered around the library, and whoever was hunched behind the computer across from us muttered an irritated "_shutthehellup!"_

I looked away and then back up at him. He was still blushing and I could feel the red heat on my face too.

"Thank you..." He said softly, then, almost as if he was embarrassed about telling a complete stranger the truth, "My best friend beat the hell out of me." I bit my tongue to stop the bark of laughter that wanted to slip past my lips, because I was sure he was lying, but then he raised his hand, running it through his hair and inadvertently showing me the bandage across his knuckles where I could only assume there was a split across the length of his hand. My gaze flickered back to his face. _He had caught me looking. _"He pummelled me, I hit him, hence the hand," He waved it in front of my face and glanced at the screen quickly, checking the time. I looked too – a quarter past six. Five or ten minutes and I'd need something to eat – I had been working all day without a break and had been thinking about taking one before he had interrupted me. "So, he jumped on me and hit me again... and I..." He stopped and stared into the distance almost wistfully.

I really, really wanted to hug him as hurt clouded his eyes.

"You...?" I admit, I pushed him a little bit.

"I quit fighting it and let him choke me until I blacked out. Woke up in the hospital with this shit all over me." He gave a vague waved and I pulled an understanding face.

"Why did you let him?" _Okay, curiosity gene, kick __**out.**__I really don't want to know._

_**Yes, you do.**_

I couldn't answer my inner voice with another contradiction, but it was there, the strange feeling that tugged me toward the feeling... the need to help him, to gain his trust and, for once in my stupid, wasted life, make a friend.

"I... had had enough of his bullshit." He murmured. "He kept going on, and so I told him to shut up... and..." he stopped again and the hurt disappeared, just sadness discolouring the blue.

"Why did you let him do it?" I said again, "Let him say those things..."

"A story," He said with a wry smile, and then a sore grimace as the stitches pulled taut at his skin, "for another, probably more appropriate day." And, with that dismissal, he closed the programme he had been working on, logged off the computer and rose.

He was going to leave.

"Hey!!" I yelped as he turned to walk away, "You can't just... just up and leave me here-" I stopped, desperate, all of a sudden, trying to keep him here, to keep him close so I could do something... so I could look after him?

I could barely look after myself, but he was near intoxicating me just by... just by being there.

"Can't I?" Suddenly, he was leaning over me, all smiles and teasing, "Well then, I suppose you had best come and get something to eat with me." Suddenly, dread coursed through me.

"I don't even know your name."

He smirked again, then smiled a true smile that finally reached his eyes, as he held out a hand that was going black and blue but had no other imperfections. He lifted his book and his bag onto the other shoulder and bit his thumbnail, almost nervously.

"Are you coming, or not?" He pressed, blinking rapidly as though his eyes were tearing up again, "Or are we just going to... leave it?"

I hesitated for all of a second. His student pass hung in his pocket, knotted around the belt loop of his jeans, and his personality seemed open, kind... even if his image screamed that he had fought, and was, by proxy, rather dangerous. Violent even.

Why didn't I care?

"Well?" He spoke as though he was about to sprint off into the sunset and leave me sitting in the dark, alone again.

"Yes, yes, I'm coming!" I closed everything down and lifted my own bag onto my shoulder. His hand nudged mine as we stood beside each other and began to walk away, and as we took a couple of steps, I let our hands link together. He stopped walking and looked down at me, stunned and immediately I dropped my grip, blinking and looking away toward the doors. It shouldn't have hurt me, but it did.

He nudged me again, a moment later, and I looked up into his eyes as a minute expression crossed his face. He held his hand out again, and probably quite stupidly, I took it.

"I'm Jasper, by the way," he murmured as the automatic doors slid shut behind us. My fingers were locked in his once more as he stared at me, waited for me to make a sound. I looked away from his darkening, intense gaze.

"Nice to meet you Jasper," I said softly, still using my library-voice, even though outside, the restrictions didn't apply. "I'm Bella. Bella Swan."

He paused in his long strides, looking down at me with wide eyes, and offered me his bandaged hand to shake. _Just when I thought it couldn't get any stranger. _I took his hand in mine as he spoke.

"Nice to properly meet you, Bella. Where do you want to go?"

There was a small silence, filled with my hesitation as I really considered what the hell I was going to do. He was somebody I didn't recognise, didn't know, and probably should be afraid of. His hair was messy, but artfully so, though that told me nothing about him. It was simply one of the many attractions he held. I registered that I could need to catch the bus home unless I went with him, and quickly, as though he had heard me speak my thoughts aloud, he was pulling me toward his car with purpose, and I was following behind him feeling a little confused and extremely hypnotised by the sheer weirdness of the situation and his presence. _Damn his addictive presence. _

"Bella? Bella, are you alright?" He was stood by the open passenger door, his arms resting on the top rim and his eyes a blue shade of worried.

"Yeah," I bit my bottom lip and nodded, then, "How does the burger shop in town sound?"

"Jessie's?" He said, quirking an eyebrow and frowning lightly as the stitches on his cheek pulled with the movement, "I didn't peg you for a fast-foodie kind of girl." He tried to laugh, but I could see the movement hurt his cheek.

"I usually cook." I said with a small smile, "But this is no date – I don't exactly expect Moriarty's." The biggest and most expensive restaurant on campus – and probably the best Sherlock-Holmes-Victorian-Era themed place. Ever. No more needed to be said – if your boyfriend was taking you to Moriarty's, the night was going to rock.

"Ooh," He smiled again, "Sounds good." Another pause as he watched me climb in, "And who said that this wasn't a date?" I shrugged.

"Who said it was?" I countered.

"Touché. A quasi-date, perhaps? Or a rescue by a night who's been in a violent battle?" I couldn't help but laugh at that.

"A rescue from the library?" I quirked an eyebrow as I pulled my seatbelt across my chest and looked up at him. He returned the expression with a wide, yet painful-looking grin.

"Those books can be murder, you know." He deadpanned, and I grinned again.

"Oh, yes, I'm sure." But it was the playful banter that set the nagging voice at the back of my throat at ease as he pulled out of the parking space and kept his eyes on the road.

He focussed completely on the drive throughout the whole damn journey, so the night swallowed the awkward silence and made it into something almost tense. I couldn't see his expression, but it was almost as though he didn't want me sitting there. I could tell by the glances he kept shooting me, looks of worry and some kind of irritation, as though the last person to sit there had... had died, and he was afraid of it happening again.

"Jasper? Are you alright with me being... in here?" I waved my hand around and he shifted his own hand to change gear, then grabbed mine from the space it was hanging in.

"Yeah," He squeezed my fingers lightly as though we were really on a date, "Just... got up on the wrong side of bed, I guess... it's catching up on me." He shrugged and raked his hand through his hair again, sighing.

"You have an amazing pair of eyes," I said, suddenly and finally sick of the silence. "Very blue." He chuckled and I felt myself go red again. _Stupid! I sounded __**so **__stupid!_ "Contact lenses?"

"Actually, yeah," He nodded vehemently, as though this was the most interesting topic of conversation he had heard all night, "but they're not coloured, I mean... they're just because I'm totally blind without them... it just-"

"I know what you mean," I smiled, desperate to silence the inane rambling, "I wear them too."

We fell into a more comfortable silence after that, his eyes still darting at me every so often, as though he were terrified again. Within five minutes, we were pulling into a parking space behind Jessie's and he was frozen in place, sitting in the driver's seat with his fingers curled so tightly around the steering wheel that I could see his knuckles turning white as I waited.

"Alright Jasper?" I touched his shoulder and he stayed almost immobile, watching the wall in front of us, eyes glassy as though he was replaying something in his head, watching it before his eyes, even though there was nothing there.

I didn't like it.

"Jasper?" His silence did nothing but unnerve me, so I reached out to touch his shoulder and simply hoped to some kind of deity that he responded, "Jasper, please?" Another pause and a short tug at his silent jacket, "You're scaring me..."

He was alert less than a second later.

"Bella?" I stopped at the sound of him shortening my name. It was so much like _him_, but then again, so different. "Bella, tell me what I did..." His voice was shaking, "Bella, what did I do?" But I didn't know what to say. His reaction was something I simply didn't understand.

"You went really quiet... and a-and totally unresponsive, and-"

"Shit!" He screeched the words and practically launched out of the car, staring at me. His hands flew through his hair and he let out a loud yell of frustration, "Why!?" He was looking at me, but his question sounded like it was aimed at someone else.

"I... er, maybe I should just... go home?" I asked, quietly reaching for the door handle. His hand shot out for my wrist, gripping it hard and stilling me, "Or not." I sighed.

"No! Please, I should explain-"

"You shouldn't!" _That sounded like you don't care, _"I mean... you don't even know me!"

"I just don't _**technically **_drive!" He interjected in a yelp.

"Sorry?" OK. I needed to get out of the car. _Now_.

"I have a license. I just don't usually... drive." He said, shame written across his face. "The last time I properly got in a car... the last time I _drove_..." He looked over at me and I realised that in that moment, I could only blink, my eyes wide and unnerved as he kept staring back, "Shit happens, right?" He stopped abruptly, almost begging me to agree.

"By that you mean...?" Curiosity. Once again I felt that stupid feeling of wonder.

"By that I mean I don't fucking drive!"

He raised a hand and for a second, I cringed with a deep-seated fear that he was going to hit me, but before I could speak he had slammed his fist against the dashboard and I let out a loud shriek, scrambling to find the button for my seatbelt and the handle for the door.

My trainers splashed in the tiny puddles that lined the street that were forlorn remnants of yesterday's weather, and I was half aware of my tights soaking at the ankles as it splashed onto my skin. I turned two corners and stopped, wondering where I could go.

I sighed as my hands scrapped around for my bag, expecting it to be wrapped over my shoulder. That way I could get my phone, or my wallet, for a way to get home.

I had nothing. There _was_ nothing. I had my hoodie, I had a five-pound note that was crumpled in my pocket, but that was it. Nothing more.

"Shit!" I sucked in a breath and turned twice in a circle, three times, looking for it, hoping like hell that I hadn't left it in his car. I knew I had though. I knew exactly where it was – in the foot well of the left-hand, front passenger seat and hiding deep inside of it, my purse, my keys, my student card...

Part of me wondered if it was a total scam. If he had decided, on a whim, to rob me of the twenty pounds and debit cards that were in my purse, and just take me for a ride. If it was a con, I had fallen into it completely, and I was an idiot for collapsing into his looks, his actions, his name... Hell! I didn't even know if his name _was_ Jasper. I had seen the uni lanyard that was wrapped around the card, but not the card itself. It could be total rubbish. A scam.

I didn't want to believe it, but it was totally, painfully plausible.

"Shit." I threw my hand out at the nearest building and felt the warmth of someone catching it before I could hit the bricks and do myself any serious injury. I growled out loud and went to hit whoever was still holding my fist tight and refusing to let go. "Get off me!" I yelped, "Just go away!" I said, nearly shrieking when a big, clearly bandaged hand slid slowly up my arm and pulled away, leaving the heavy weight of my handbag on my shoulder.

"I will." Jasper's voice startled me, even though by now I was sure it was him. "I didn't mean for this to happen, Bella," He stopped, still standing off to my side and watching me with a confusing, sad expression. "I... I am so, so sorry."

Something in his voice told me I should listen, but I wondered why he had gone off like that nonetheless.

"I am, really." He stopped and rand his hand down my arm lightly, making me shiver and squeezing my hand tightly as he got to my fingers, "And I wish... I really wish I could explain..." Another, long, terrified pause and when he spoke again, his voice was full of hesitation. "But not like this. Not now." He stopped and let my hand go, "Would you like me to take you home?" His voice lifted, constricted a little bit and his heat moved away from mine as he stepped back and away, tilting his head and smiling. The grimace of pain was visible as the stitches pulled again.

"I've been working all day." I said softly, "I should probably eat something." I looked up at him and gave him a little smile. _Yes,_ I would give him another chance. It was the least I could do.

"Really?!" And his enthusiasm exploded into life, his eyes lighting up and fluttering into beautiful sparks that begged to be mentioned.

"If it makes your eyes twinkle like that, then yeah, I guess I could eat." Okay, that was a little cheap... but it was sweet.

"Cool!" He held out his hand but I didn't take it, this time I waited for him to take the lead.

Ten minutes later, we were sitting in Jessie's, holding various unhealthy foods and eating them in a totally ungainly manner. Jasper refused to take his eyes off me the whole time, seriously irritating me because I hated to be watched as I ate, but eventually, I learned to ignore it – at least I pretended to, his beautiful yet penetrating eyes a force I could not shake off.

"What?" I finally muttered when I couldn't stand it any longer, "Have I grown a second head?" I felt along my collarbones in mock terror as he let out a laugh and shook his head.

"No, no... It's just... you look like you haven't eaten in about a month, the way you're eating those chips-"

"Ha bloody ha." I pulled a face, "I had to get some work done, and by some, I mean a lot, pretty desperately, and yeah..." I fiddled with the sleeve of my jumper, "So maybe I didn't have breakfast, or lunch, or whatever, but work got done, you know?"

He nodded silently, but kept his eyes on me almost shamelessly, his gaze barely faltering as he kept munching on the barbecue burger he had in front of him.

"So, what course are you on?" I said as he watched me. Always watching.

"Creative writing and physical geography." He murmured, grinning brightly.

"Curious combination. You want to write disaster novels with heavy terminological accuracy, then?" I said with a small smirk. He didn't even laugh. "You're serious?!"

"Actually, yep... Deadly serious." He stopped and grinned again, "Deadly as a volcano." At that, we both started to giggle, until he almost immediately grimaced at the stretching of the stitches, and a small gasp left his lips at the pain, "And you? What makes you fizz?" I ignored the innuendo that laced his words.

"Just plain drama. Theatre studies." He paused and looked at me.

"Were... did you do that fringe theatre thing about two, three months ago?" A pause, "The one where all the cast had to sing?"

"It was excerpts from doomed love through the ages, and yes. I did have to sing... but I lost my voice on the fourth night." And I was in the hospital for nearly a week with some complication.

"Yeah, I know. I had tickets for that one. My friend's date bailed on him... and I took her place..." he stopped and looked down and away at his words, "Not like that... I mean... he... let me have the ticket, I went with him, but not... like that." I grinned, "I wanted to see the _'awesome'_ actress in the main part. Apparently she was ill," He gestured across the table at me and I blushed, "I guess I get to buy her dinner instead." Immediately, I flushed bright pink.

"I'm hardly awesome." I shook my head again, and he laughed.

"Alright, how about Show Stopping? That's what the Student Union paper said... the only other drama student I know who's had such good fringe reviews is Robbie Dean – you know the one that did the musicals night? Luck Be A Lady and all that?"

"Yeah, yeah I do." I nodded. I did know him – we had worked together on the background, backstage stuff for the musicals week, he was sweet, but a little overbearing with accentuation in every small movement and a very projected voice. It was only to be expected that he was at home on stage.

"A nice guy?" A tiny scowl crossed his face as he spoke, but lightened when I shrugged, sighing a little.

"Not really my type." I smiled, trying to be as evasive as possible. "To be honest with you, drama was my cop-out. I didn't want to be studying like a doctor, but I couldn't sit still all my life, doing bugger all and hating it." My fingers were drumming lightly on the table as I sighed and looked back up at him, "The trips are good. We've seen some damn good stuff, really." He let out a little laugh and smiled.

"We get to visit a volcano?" He said, a little glee in his voice and a tiny intonation to turn it into a question. It was almost that he was hoping I could be interested. I licked my lips and smiled, looking down to see if I had anything left to finish. _Nothing. Okay._

"Sounds pretty awesome," He rubbed the back of his neck and grinned widely as I spoke, "Where are you going? Iceland? Italy? The USA?"

"We don't know yet, but trust me, awesome it will be." He laughed and I watched as his head dropped lightly and his hand began drawing tiny circles on the tabletop between us. His lips looked as though he was speaking words I knew I could not hear.

"Hey, Jasper?" I asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence. He lifted his head to look at me and I took my cue to continue, "Do you think you could take... give me a lift home now?" A small pause.

"Yeah, I guess so." He murmured, his lips pursing in a little pout as he stared at me. "Is it... er, where am I taking you?"

"The Self-catered down by Thomas Greene? The little ones on the main road... you know, the three shares?" I was stunned when he nodded and replied.

"I do – I live in the three-sixes along the way. Closer to the Morris Centre, but a total trek for the shops." He laughed and smiled.

"So you were the one in the ambulance on Monday?" I blurted out without thinking, remembering the sincere concern I had felt for whoever had been forced to sit in it. I'd done it fourteen times so far – it wasn't my favourite pastime, I had to say.

He winced. We were back to the fight again, and I felt my face heat as he watched me, still with that pain in his eyes and no hint of a smile on his face. I sighed and looked down at the table, then out towards the sliding doors and the dark February night that was waiting.

"Shall we?" I sort-of blurted again, suddenly tired and ready to go home.

"Course." We rose and within a minute we were back in his car and he was switching the heating on, making me feel warmer once more. He drove in silence, refusing to look straight at me, but the repetitive glances returned as he moved in and out of the various lanes as he practically sped me home.

"Well..." I stayed sat in my seat as he pulled up at the pathway to my block and cut the engine. "Thank you."

"Not a problem." He nodded and sighed as we sat in silence for a moment, then I felt his bandaged hand touch mine where it was resting in my lap. "Er... is it... is it okay for me to ask for your number?" He stumbled over the words and for a second, I wondered why he thought he needed to ask.

His look was just traditionally gorgeous, with his big blue eyes and shaggy blonde hair, lanky frame and sweet demeanour. Even if he was a little bit weird and wouldn't talk to me... he shouldn't, and probably didn't have a problem getting girls. _Dammit! I just didn't understand the stuttering._

"Er... yeah..." I shrugged, "I guess so." I held my hand out for his phone and quickly tapped my number in, handing it back and knowing my face was getting pinker as the seconds passed and he watched me.

"Thank you." His voice was low as he pocketed his phone and nodded at me with an awkward smile. "I'll call you?" Once again, he practically asked me if it was alright, and my head was reeling at the immense level of his nerves – or perhaps his courtesy.

"Sure," I nodded, then unbuckled my seatbelt and clambered out of the car, "Good night, Jasper."

"Later Bella." And with that, I turned away, stepping carefully though the pebbled puddles until I got to my door. I turned around to look at him, to wave him a goodbye as I reached the keypad, and was almost stunned to see there was nothing. I hadn't heard him pull away, I hadn't heard him turn the corner, but there was nothing to tell me he had been in the street only moments before.

My brain was thoroughly stumped. A lot. Had he actually existed? Had the whole evening actually happened or was I just insane? Pulling a TV series-worthy stunt to get away from the stuff that had happened in my life?

I sighed into a yawn and ran my hand through my hair, searching in my bag for my student pass to swipe in and get access to my rooms. I lifted it to the pad and it beeped twice, the door clicking as it unlocked. Stepping quietly into the foyer and practically sprinting up the stairs, I felt a stupid level of carefree that I hadn't experienced in nearly thirteen years.

I flung my keys into the door, threw it open, knowing it could only be nine at the latest, and let it bang against the wall, cringing only as I stumbled and hit my elbow against the doorframe of the shared kitchen.

"Shit!" I yelped and my roommate Alice appeared at her bedroom door, wide eyed and looking terrified for her life.

"Where's the zombie apocalypse?" She shouted, looking up at me with a cloudy smile.

"Junction eighteen of the M25," I returned, still not caring as she stepped towards me with an evil grin. I was suddenly terrified, "What?" I stepped back as she advanced, still smirking.

"You're smiling, for one," She laughed, then, "and blushing too... ooh-er, missus, did somebody meet a new _friend_?" Wiggling her eyebrows, she kept advancing until she had cornered me between the kettle and the toaster and I was warmer than them both working at full power in the middle of July.

"Very funny," I whispered, my throat constricting through sheer embarrassment, "I did, and I'll have you know I personally think he's insane."

"Seriously?" Alice ran her hand through her hair, "Bella, this low-self-esteem stuff has got to stop-"

"No... I meant...." I stopped and looked up at her, my hand stilling on my collarbone as I went to try and gesture my way out of a plastic bag.

"You meant...?"

"I just meant he was weird... Gorgeous, but strange... you know?"

"Stalk and rape you strange? Dirty _young_ man strange?"

"Like spaced the fuck out of me while he was in the driver's seat strange." I neglected to mention we weren't going anywhere, but even so, it was beside the point. "Then he refused to tell me why, but bought me dinner."

"Name?" She said, with a half smile. I heard Damon, our other roommate and Alice's boyfriend groan from her bedroom as he realised this was going to be a long conversation. Alice laughed and pulled the chair out from the table with a scrape; sitting in it and grinning up at me as she called, "Take a cold shower and get over it," She grinned at me, "On second thought, come out here. You might want to hear this!"

He appeared in the doorway with a mess of sex hair and wearing the most uncomfortable looking pyjamas.

"Bella!" He let out a shout-laugh and rubbed his neck lightly, blushing as he caught me looking at him with a raised eyebrow, "Er... evening!" his laugh was light but constricted as he kept his eyes on the floor, though they flickered up to me as he found his voice, "get laid yet?"

"No, but she's halfway there!" Alice spoke for me as he laughed and kissed her on the temple. I rolled my eyes and let their little charade continue for a few minutes until Alice stopped Damon's wandering hands and cleared her throat to pull my gaze back from out of the window, and back into the room. I wasn't paying much attention, but the sudden silence caught me unaware.

"What's his name?" The pair of them spoke at the same time, Alice still looking at me as though I had found the Holy Grail.

"Jasper." I murmured, a dark flush broadening across my cheeks. I really needed to curb that – I was starting to feel like I was a poorly made-up china doll.

"Jasper what?" Damon looked up at the mention of his name.

"Jasper I-don't-know." I returned and he scowled at me, growling furiously before shaking his head and sitting down on the chair beside Alice, keeping his hand draped across the back of her chair. I sighed and looked at them both. "He does creative writing and physical geography and lives in the blocks of six-shares up the road." I reeled off, trying to remember as much as I could.

"Oh!" Alice snapped her fingers, "You mean Jazz Whitlock!?"

"Well, I might do. I really don't know."

"Shaggy hair, total 'do me' eyes?" I nodded because there was really no other way to explain him. "That, my friend, is Jasper Whitlock." She laughed and I immediately felt humiliated.

"Why're you laughing?" I asked, my hands flying to bury themselves deep into my hoodie pockets.

"Because," Damon said simply, "You two have missed each other basically every day by walking past each other the wrong way. He's the one whose flat I play poker in."

"Really?" Alice looked up, "I thought he roomed with Edward?"

"Indeed he does." He nodded, "Edward just doesn't play." And I wondered almost immediately why I hadn't met these people before. I guessed it was because Damon played poker the nights Alice and I worked at the theatre, getting things set up and working on lights.

"Er, sorry to interrupt, but how have I 'missed' him?" I threw in the air quotes for good measure.

"Remember about two months ago? Your Love through the Ages thing... Alice and I had tickets to the second and the fourth night, didn't we?" I nodded and he motioned for me to sit down.

"I came down with the flu," Alice looked up at Damon, "And so he offered the ticket around, and Jasper took it, didn't he?" He nodded and she grinned at me.

"So, he was going to come and see it on the fourth night," Damon took over and Alice leaned forward, her elbows on the table, "And I was going to subtly point out the _gorgeous lead..._" A pause where he waved his hand at me, "And you had to go and fall ill. Ruined it all, you did."

"Oh, I'm sorry, next time, I'll organise my illnesses..." I bowed my head but my chest was exploding with excitement, "How else did we miss each other?" I was stupidly excited now, and it made me giggle a lot as I shrugged my jacket off and leaned forward.

"New Years Eve, you left at ten, didn't you?" Alice started.

"Yeah, to get to the train station."

"He turned up at about quarter past with Edward and Emmett propping him up. He wasn't really too good, he was dizzy and stuff... so..." She blushed, "we kind of put him in your bed... and he slept for about two days. Damon had to practically kick him back down to his place, but he didn't want to go – he kept saying stuff about a pretty picture and colourful something-or-other – we just figured he was on something, until we realised that your room had those two big pictures of you and me, and the snow scene from your bedroom that you'd been painting... and that he had been looking at the one of you, like almost nose-to-nose."

She shuddered as though she would have found it creepy to have someone looking at pictures of you – though in my opinion, I found it worse that she had let him sleep in my bed without telling me – who knows what he could have done in there... still, the poor guy hadn't been well, and... I sighed and shut my eyes as I thought about it.

We were closer than we had realised.

* * *

_**Opinions? **_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Characters? No, no, All of Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I love my plot, though. That I'm taking credit for.**

**Enjoy. My Friend called part of this "Essentially soft porn..." so I laughed. And then made her read Disembark. **

* * *

**2: Jasper **

I stretched and shut my eyes, rubbing my face as I laid back against my headboard, half staring up at the ceiling, half watching the clock tick-tock until it had dissipated into a mindless noise and I had totally zoned out.

Tonight was the first time I'd been happy in a while. A very, very long while. My hands were shaking as I dropped the book beside her, as she had jolted into the present and her gorgeous eyes had locked with mine, and I'd had to ruin it. Fucking had to go and... Mess it up.

I couldn't remember what had happened, of course – I had never been able to after my episodes, but damn, it was getting difficult. I had been driving this time, and Bella had been in the car...

I could have hurt her. That was what made me so cold in the car, made me feel so unnerved and worried as I sat there and thought about how the evening had gone. She had been lovely, and kind and trusting, and I had just totally duped her into getting into a car with me and putting herself in danger without even knowing about it.

I shut my eyes and tried to get rid of the feel of the sting of the stitches in my skin – they itched when I didn't move and hurt like hell when I did – the strain on them worsening even more when I made the simplest conversation... hell, it was at the point that it was starting to hurt when I smiled. I swallowed, sighed and ducked my head, staring at my chest and the stupid superhero t-shirt I was wearing. It made me feel awkward and arrogant – I was no superman, I was merely stupid, pointless, and in my opinion, utterly defective.

But then I thought of Bella, and I wondered if she would listen. If she would push me away or she would listen and make me feel a lot more... wanted than I did around here. Since I found the courage to speak to her, since I realised I could be somebody totally different with her, I had to know. She couldn't find out until I was ready to tell her, and if I didn't tell her soon, I was screwed. It was a lose-lose situation, in my opinion, and I was panicking already, even though I'd only known her for a pathetic amount of time... I felt as though... it was different this time.

I sighed and slid down even further onto my bed, pressing my head against my pillow and letting out a loud groan as I wished for the ground to swallow me up and let me totally disappear.

My head was pounding and my eyes were hurting, and I assumed it was a migraine, but I couldn't even move to close my curtains. Every movement was sending me to hell and back, and I couldn't even turn the sun down so I could get some sleep in peace.

"Jasper?" I heard Edward's voice from far off, probably only down the hall, but it sounded as though the walls were thick and his voice was high and raspy. "Jazz, dude, are you going to get up, or are you just going to sit there like an idiot and look pretty... both of which you're doing pretty well... well, the girls would think so anyway."

And _Bam_, just like that, I was forgiven for yesterday, forgiven for my flippancy on Monday and forgiven for being an idiot. He didn't quite know what I had done, though, and when he did, he was probably going to kill me pretty dead. That sucked ass. A lot, to be honest with you, because if I were dead, I wouldn't have the chance to get to know Bella... and _shit_, _that would suck_.

"I've got a migraine." I muttered, shutting myself off for the day and hoping nobody would come in to try and find me. Total shit.

"And what? Never stopped you from going in before." He paused as he pushed my door open slightly and looked me up and down, "Though you've never looked _that_ bad before either..." He sighed and looked over at my open curtains, probably looking out at the square that lay between our building and the next. "Okay, I'll make sure Professor Stevenson knows, and it'll be fine, won't it?"

"I guess so?" I didn't really know, did I? "She knows me quite well; she's my thesis advisor, so..." He laughed and I groaned, because the sound of his full guffaw made me feel even worse, my hands pushing into my eyes as I sighed and tried not to think about what was coming later. If I took any of the sleeping pills my last doctor had prescribed, I knew I would be out like a light for a while, but it wouldn't do the rest of me any good - being me, I knew I was headed for an epic set of dreams the next time my head hit the pillow, brain-leaking, mind-blowing, vivid and scary dreams that always came from driving.

"You gonna be okay, man?" He said softly as he crossed the room and drew the curtains for me, sighing and running his hand through his hair, "I could get you something from your box?" He pointed across to the wooden casket on my desk, it held anything and everything I could ask for and quite a few things in excess, I suppose... still, I didn't want to take anything that might make it worse... because I knew what was coming would be bad, and I knew that the things I would see were easily amplified by the horrid effects of whatever was in those stupid drugs.

Even though they were the drugs that, arguably, kept me alive and kept me... sane? Maybe, more likely kept me coherent and relatively normal. Still, I wouldn't make Bella see me like this - not until I had to, and then, it would probably be far, far too late.

Reluctantly, I closed my eyes and shut the world out, hoping those stupid dreams would just leave me alone, let me finally have some peace.

Waking up in a freezing cold sweat was something I was becoming thoroughly used to doing. My head was still sore, but the sleep had done it much better – in the end, I figured it could only be, at worst, the beginnings of another bloody migraine, and that, hopefully the long sleep would have let it slide.

This had been going on since the day I had met Bella, and every night it was the same dream. She was in the car with me, the snow coming down as I tried to navigate through the darkness and I just couldn't see. I kept driving, not knowing where I was or who else was on the road, until I saw the red lights too late, and I... well, the dream always stopped then, darkness overtaking me, making me wake up like this, frightened, cold and terrified.

Bella was getting worried, as were Edward, Damon and Emmett, who had spent the last four days trying to get me to go outside, with me terrified of the light and the brightness it was bringing. I was, apparently, now affectionately known as their 'little vampire', and I resented the term, though there was very little I could do about it.

It had been nearly six weeks, both since I had met her, and since the nights had become tiresome and terrifying, and to be honest, I _was_ getting tired of it. There were dark circles under my eyes and my head was constantly pounding – to the point where I had taken to taping lectures with a borrowed Dictaphone and hoping I could catch up on some sleep in the lecture hall as one professor or another spoke at me, leaving me tired and a little broken inside and out. I sighed and tried to stretch, hoping that the buzzing sound was my phone vibrating, and not my brain shaking or a hummingbird trapped in my headboard.

"Jasper?!" Emmett's voice was deep and dulled by the wood that it came through, "Are you getting up? Today would be nice!" He laughed, "The girls are coming over in about an hour, right?"

_Bella was coming over today._ I had completely forgotten. We had arranged it the last time we'd been out to dinner, double dating with Damon and his girlfriend, she was going to come over and catch a couple of the new DVDs Edward had got for his birthday, along with Damon, Alice and Emmett's newest girlfriend, Rosalie.

"Yeah, I think so," I nodded, only realising he couldn't see me when I looked up at the door and he wasn't standing there, "I'm gonna shower, and then I'll be out..."

"Yeah, you might want to change your bed sheets too, lazy bugger..." I cringed as I thought about maybe having Bella sleep over tonight. I wouldn't try anything – we kissed, we messed around, but I sure as hell wasn't ready to do that, and by the way she cringed away from my lips as I ran my hand across her shoulders and under her shirt, I doubted she would be up for it either. Still, I would sleep next to her, hopefully, and that would be enough for me tonight.

_For tonight._

"Alright! Alright!" I yelled out to him as I heard him bang twice on the door and laugh all the way down the corridor.

I dressed simply, as soon as I had organised my mind and body by showering and cleaning up everything I could think of, including my bloody windows and hoovering my curtains just to get rid of any and all of the dust that was there. My jeans were clean, well, as clean as a second-day pair could be, and my shirt was old, worn-out and comfortable, because I didn't want to be sitting uncomfortable for about six hours as we chatted, ate and generally goofed around.

I checked myself in the mirror quickly and stepped out into the kitchen, almost immediately getting sauce flicked at me as I stepped in to attempt to fix the burning mess Emmett had left on the stove, not paying attention to the high heat he had left the hob on.

"Emm!" I yelled, he stepped back into the kitchen and looked at me, "You can't cook! Why are you even trying?"

"Because your new girlfriend is coming over, douchebag! I want to be nice to her..." He laughed, and I was struck suddenly by the idea that he could poison us all, and we'd be none the wiser. Quickly, I picked up the saucepan and looked down at the wooden spoon sitting in it.

"Can I try it? Will it kill me?"

"Yes and just try it, moron." He laughed, waiting for me to taste it. I took a small mouthful of the stuff and coughed at the heat of it, although it tasted pretty good to be honest with you, once the serious burning on my tongue and my lips had cooled itself away.

I licked my lips and sighed, looking up as the buzzer rang in the hallway and Emmett looked at me, waiting for me to go and get it.

"Aren't you going to get that?" He asked suddenly, as the buzzer went again, and I jolted back to the present as its insistent ring perforated my eardrums.

"Apparently not," Edward muttered as he strode past the doorway and went to the entryphone. "Hello? Bella and co? Yes, okay, let them up..."

_She was coming. She hadn't... she __**was**__ coming!_

Edward disappeared into his room as Bella and the others came through the door. I took their coats and led them through into the kitchen. I smiled as Bella looked longingly over at the food, and smiled as she saw the pasta sauce cooking on the stovetop.

"Can I?" I heard her voice but it looked as though she hadn't spoken. She was looking up at Emmett and smiling at him, her eyes wide. "It's one of my favourites."

I actually saw the mental fist-pump that went on behind his eyes. He was always insistent on looking after any girls that came to us for dinner, mainly because to him, it meant that we were serious about the relationship – not unlike bringing her home to your parents, it meant you were almost asking for embarrassing "when that idiot was drunk" stories, among other things.

"Sure, mind yourself though; it's a bit hot..." He grinned and surrendered the stove to her, and I couldn't help but watch her as she stepped between the pots, tasting and stirring lightly, a huge smile on her face all the time. When she turned around, Emmett had taken her seat, and she looked around for somewhere to lean or rest on. There were, inconveniently, no flat surfaces for her to sit on, and she sighed as she looked down at her feet.

That is, until I opened my arms for her to sit on my lap. She looked at me, almost stunned by my actions, until I raised an eyebrow in a slight challenge; s_it here or on the floor_. I grinned as she smiled back at me and settled herself on my knees, allowing me to put my arms around her waist and hold her there, her head dropping back onto my shoulder as her back pressed against my chest and her lips found my cheek.

She liked it, so I liked it. It was simple yet comfortable, and her comfort was paramount in this relationship. She'd told me things she didn't like saying to anyone, and that was what made me so sad for her, and yet... she trusted me and that shift in our dynamic was what was making me feel so guilty. She needed to know, and, I realised as she relaxed against me, making polite conversation with Emmett and Alice, she needed to know tonight.

**-Four Weeks Before-**

"_Listen... Jazz..." She looked up at me from her seat in the cushy chair at Davison's, the tiny, independent bookshop that was secluded off campus in the back streets of the main town. "I think we need to talk about something."_

_**We need to talk? Nonononono. Bad. Bad...**_

_I immediately sat back down, still holding my copy of Othello and looking at her, terror marked across my face. She must have read my expression quickly, because her demeanour changed and the terrifying serious expression was suddenly gone from her face._

"_No!" She said, with a soft laugh, "I don't mean... bad-bad-let's-not-date sort of thing..." I let out an audible breath and she giggled lightly, "Although you do realise that in two weeks we've been on about five dates? It's very interesting how much you want to sit with a moron like me," She laughed. _

"_You're not a moron," I reached over slowly to run my hand down her cheek, "And is it five? It feels like so many more..." She let out another giggle, and I realised she was nervous... probably not the best time to mess around, to joke with her, then... I moved my hand towards her shoulder, and she twitched nervously, letting out a soft squeak that told me she wasn't comfortable with the swiftness of my hand. "Sorry!" I slowed my hand down and slid it down her arm, then into her hand, squeezing it tightly. _

"_That's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about." She murmured, not looking at me, but keeping her eyes cast down at the book in her lap. It was Kerouac, one of her favourites and she clung to it as she looked up at me and watched me with fear apparent in her eyes, clouding them and making me feel thoroughly useless – I was afraid to touch her as she looked up at me, scared she would want to leave me because I __**frightened**__ her._

"_Go on," I spoke and she reached out for my hand. I let out a gasp as her cool skin touched mine and she brought my fingers up to eye level, staring at me and poking at them, pulling them lightly until she found the strength to speak. _

"_When I was a child, my father left my mother." I knew that. "And he remarried, about two, three years later. I was nine, and I didn't realise that a new mother meant a new brother too." I knew she had a step-brother too. "His name was Lewis. And... Well..." She closed her eyes and looked at me, "There are scars, Jasper. I have a lot of scars from a lot of things that he did to me, and he did them because he hated my father... and I was the only thing he could damage that he thought would damage him." She looked at me, her eyes widening almost to the size of the coffee-rings that were burned into the wooden table beside me. _

"_That's not a problem, Bella," I reached forward and she flinched away, "I'm just going to take the book, okay?" _

"_Y-yeah," She nodded and I wondered if remembering that time had brought down a couple of the desensitised walls she had built up, I wondered if she could see his face when she looked at me, and all of those wonderments frightened me because I was suddenly scared that if she associated me with him, I would never be able to hold her the way I wanted to. I swallowed and looked down at my lap. _

"_You know I'm alright with that, don't you?" I asked as I slowly took the book from her hands and she stared at me, wide eyes pretty and watching me with tears building up in the corners. "Not with the fact that it has happened, and to you especially, but with the fact I'll have to...I don't know, to... to earn your trust, physically."_

"_It'll come, I know," She said softly, "But hell it's frustrating, you know?" She sighed, "And by the way," She added after a few moments of silence, "I do want to kiss you, I'm not a frigid bitch... it's just a little bit complicated..." _

"_Really?!" I winked at her, "Well, I guess I'll have to unravel you..." She let out a tiny laugh and looked up at me as I rose, dragging my hand up her arm slowly as I pulled her gaze up to meet mine. "Bit. By. Bit." _

_I felt her shiver, a smile on her face as she closed her eyes and leaned into the hand that rested on her shoulder lightly, her head resting on my forearm as she took a deep breath and ran a hand through her hair, looking up at me through her eyelashes and making me want to do the same thing. Her lips curved into a smile as I asked and she relaxed even more as my fingers loosened and ran through her soft hair, making her giggle as I lightly scratched her scalp. _

"_I kinda like that," She said as she sat there, my hand still touching her shoulder, and I moved a little bit closer to her. She reached out her other hand to me and I took it in my own, lacing our fingers and touching her cheek with the back of her hand. Her eyes fluttered closed and she let out a breath, her fingers loosening on mine and dropping away from my hand. "I feel better now." She sighed, blinking her eyes open. "You're good at this." _

_-00-_

We ate stupidly quickly, Edward joining us for long enough to pick up some food and then disappear back into his room. His avoidance of both Emmett and I, and our guests was just getting rude, and it was more annoying that he hadn't given us a real and proper reason for it.

"Is he okay?" I heard Bella ask Emmett as the door rattled on the hinges and dragged me back to reality. In reply, Emmett simply shrugged and sighed, knowing exactly what was wrong, and exactly why he had chosen not to mention it to us.

Bella was his problem, and I couldn't tell her so, because that would clearly lead to both awkward questions and a row. And I wanted neither, tonight. I wanted tonight to go over well, and for us to watch a couple of movies together, all of us, as a group, being friends, making friends, and having a really, really good night. But he wouldn't and couldn't let that happen, and all because of Maria. Maria, his sister. Maria, my ex-girlfriend. Maria, the girl that... I... hurt. Irrevocably.

"Jasper?" Bella was looking at me from the doorway, "Do you want a drink?" She frowned as I did, and I watched the slow movement of her lips as she bit her bottom lip and her expression darkened with the slow shake of my head.

"I should be asking you the same thing, silly girl." I winked and got up, trying to smile, though her face told me it hadn't come out quite right.

"Are you okay?" She raised an eyebrow and bit her bottom lip again as she looked at me with fear in her eyes.

"Yeah." I nodded, my eyes looking everywhere but at her. "I just... it's nothing." She looked up at me and nodded, though the smile that had been on her face only a minute ago was gone, and had been replaced by something akin to pity.

I didn't like that look at all. It made me feel awkward and made me feel uncomfortable, and I felt stupid for even thinking of replying like that.

"Come and sit down," I said to her, waving my hand at the sofa, "I'll get the drinks – it's not your... it's our place, we should be waiting on you." She raised an eyebrow, but looked over at both Alice, then Damon. Both of them smiled at her and, taking her cue from them she nodded silently at me.

"Okay." She smiled, looking up at me with a small smile.

I stepped into the kitchen and was practically confronted with Edward. He crept around like a cat most of the time, and usually, we were alright with it, but this was just a frightening concept, to have him appearing in the kitchen, somewhere where sharp and dangerous objects were ever-present, like a flipping ninja.

"That was nice." He said simply, his eyes dark and the scowl on his face evident. "What you did there."

"It's only natural, you know, looking after someone you care about."

"New concept to you, isn't it?" _I won't reply. I won't. Damn, I won't. _

Without another word, his exemplary parting shot delivered, he stole out of the kitchen with a bottle of beer, and the only way I knew he was done with us for the evening, was via the loud slam that echoed through the hallway into the living room.

Bella wasn't the only one staring at me as I stepped back into the room and sat down on the couch beside her, drinks forgotten as I closed my eyes and felt Bella wrap her arms around me. Right now, that was all that mattered.

"Are you and Edward alright?" She asked after five or so minutes of silence in the room, when the opening sequence for an old James Bond film was careering on around us and Emmett had curled himself up in the corner with a glass of wine and a bag of sweets. The boy was weird, but it seemed to work for him – there was almost always a girl hanging around the place, almost begging for some action with him, and yes, for about four months I had been jealous, but...

"Yeah, I guess so," I looked down at Bella; she was curled up almost in my lap and had her head against my chest. Her eyes were closed and she looked so damn comfortable that I didn't want to tell her, or to ask her to move. I would have felt despicable, forcing her to get up, to go places. "I think he just has a stick up his arse." She let out a muffled giggle and I smiled to myself.

_Crisis averted. _

"Well good." She sighed and I rolled my eyes lightly. "This Bond's not good," She whispered, "I mean, I'm all for superspies and secret agents, but..." She sighed, "Sod Daniel Craig, Pierce Brosnan all the way."

"Excuse me?" I raised an eyebrow as she looked up at me, smirking, "With me in the room?"

"Touché." She sighed and resettled against me, holding onto my arm and almost sucking the life out of it. Occasionally, she would giggle, no doubt insinuating some perverted innuendo from the spoken words onscreen. Half an hour into the second movie, I realised her breathing had levelled out and she was almost snoring on my shoulder. Trying to regain the feeling in my fingers, I lifted my arm and slowly uncurled her fingers from my wrist. "Jasper?" Her voice was so quiet that it made me jolt in surprise, "Sorry, did I-"

"It's okay," I smiled down and ran my fingers down her arm, "Are you alright?"

"Just tired." She whispered, sitting up straighter but keeping her head against my shoulder, "I might go home..." _I didn't want to let her go._

"No!" I heard myself yelp aloud, and four heads turned to look at me, Emmett's sweets falling to the floor and scattering across the lino as he flung his hand out, terrified that he had lost his sugar high. "Sorry, continue," I laughed as the others turned around and focussed back on the T.V. and she squeezed up against me, holding my hand once again. "You can stay over here, if you want?" Another pause, "I mean, you can have my bed..." She tensed in my arms, "I'll sleep on the sofa, or something."

"I can't do that," she said in a light whisper, "I don't want to take your bed."

"You're not. I offered it, I'm sure there's a difference in there somewhere."

"That's semantics," she muttered, "Either way; you've lost your bed."

"Not true," I said softly, but she rolled her eyes at me and waited patiently for me to cave in. It really did not take me long. "Fine." Another pause, "But you're not allowed to go home. Sleep with me?"

Her expression told me that had come out wronger than wrong.

"I meant... you know, stay with me? In my bed... not, you know... actually _doing_ anything?!" She rolled her eyes at my spluttering once again, and I quirked my eyebrow straight back at her. "Very collected for someone who's just been propositioned." I let out a 'hmm' and she smirked back at me, her lips full and pouty and making me want to attack her just a little bit. She grinned at me in the semi-darkness of our shared living room, and took my hand, pulling me up and looking over at Alice and Damon quickly. Damon had his eyes trained on me, warning and willing me onward, I could tell, because though his eyes were hard, the smirk tugging at his lips was more than enough to make me smile back at him. His little nod was enough for me to whisk Bella into my arms and pull her down the hall toward my room, out of the way of Emmett's prying eyes, and Edward's murderous mood – and everyone could feel that if they crossed within fifty feet of him.

As soon as I closed the door behind us, she pulled me to her, another side of Bella that was pretty much continuously astounding me. She stumbled and I caught her in some weird and awkward dance, her lips curving into a smile as she slammed back into the wall, her head smacking into the plaster with a noise like a whip crack.

"Jesus, Bella, you'll hurt yourself!" I slowly slid my hand around the back of her head, knotting my fingers into her hair. No blood. Thank god for that. The mood was broken but as I went to pull back, I felt her hands against my hips, holding me there. I fell forward this time, and flung my hands out, either side of her head so I wouldn't crush her.

"I'm fine." She murmured; her lips too close to my own. "I'm really, really good."

Her eyes flickered down to my lips, and I'm sure my own movements mirrored hers, as I licked my lips nervously. I had my hands either side of her head and now I was leaning forward as her hands dragged on my hips.

"Bella-" I could feel her breath on my bottom lip, her fingernails digging into me so hard I was sure she would leave marks. It was taking all my strength not to jump her right there.

I dropped my left hand and pinned her shoulder to the wall, she whimpered but my lips crashed to hers, peppering open-mouthed kisses on her lips, then along her jaw, down to her collarbone. She let out another whimper, but this time, it was lower pitched, almost desirous. Her leg hitched up to my hips and the hand it had displaced began to wander up my back and into my hair, effectively stilling my lips against hers, giving me no way to move away.

_Not that I wanted to._

She let out a scream of surprise as I span her around and nearly threw her to the bed behind me. She stumbled back and fell onto the mattress, staring at me, looking straight into my eyes as I crouched between her feet, my hands stilled on either side of her knees.

"What was that?" She managed to splutter, half giggling, but honestly? I had no answer. So I did the thing any sane boy would do... and some crazy ones as well.

_I pounced. _

She shrieked as I landed on top of her, and I slapped my hand across her mouth, suddenly frightened we would get caught.

"Don't scream!" I squeaked, suddenly sounding and feeling terrified, pathetic and unmanly. She giggled and her hips shifted beneath mine and she groaned as I moved my hand from her mouth, balancing over her with my hands either side of her head, hoping I wasn't squashing her. There was a long silence, where we were both staring at each other, pressed together too close for our own good, then she took the initiative and practically tore the shirt buttons from my top, so my chest was exposed to her wandering hands.

"Are you going to kiss me, or not?" She said after a few seconds, my muscles still tense under her warm fingers, her lips just inches from my own once again. "Because if not-m-Mph!" She squeaked and I smirked into our connection as she squirmed underneath me until I broke the kiss, realising she could barely breathe.

She smacked me in the arm and scowled at me, but I dropped my head and kissed her lightly on the cheek. Her eyes fluttered closed and her scowl morphed into a smile, she bowed her head and shifted so our lips touched again.

"You're really silly," She whispered, "But I wouldn't have you any other way." Her fingers slid down the back of my neck and through my hair, and she giggled as she pulled my shirt away from me, discarding it down the side of the bed.

"You're really sexy," I returned, cringing inwardly because I sounded like a moron, "But I wouldn't have you-" Her lips slammed to mine again and I quickly forgot any hopes of seducing her.

_Too late. She'd seduced me._

Two minutes of pretty concentrated fooling around later, I half wondered whether she was alright with this. Her hands were comfortable running all over me, but as I pulled away to breathe, her hands tightened against my forearms and her leg slid away from my hip.

"Jazz?" She murmured, her eyes staring up at me in the semi-darkness and making me wonder who she thought she was seeing.

"Bella," I managed to growl, trying not to mess with her as she laid there, vulnerable, "I'm here. And I'm going nowhere."

There was a short pause, and we watched each other for a long minute. She had incredible eyes, and I loved to watch them, every moment of her life, every thought was trapped in them, and I loved it. It made me want to unravel it, to know it and to live it. She breathed out and pulled my lips down to hers again, her knee sliding up so her foot was running up and down the back of my leg.

"Stop," I pulled back, "Not now." I shook my head at her, and she managed to look put out. "I'm not doing this here, when they're all sitting out there watching James-bloody-Bond."

"Okay," She nodded against my chest and leaned back against the pillows, "Hell... Jasper..." My hand was still tracking up and down her side and she was giggling, pressing into it, almost demanding more. "Right," She hissed again as I touched my lips to the side of her neck. "I'm going to get a drink, Jazz. Where's your shirt? I'm not going out there in a bra."

We looked at each other for a long moment, then she burst into giggles and I was soon chuckling along with her, burying my face into her pillow, trying to inhale her as she rolled away and stepped to the kitchen.

Her presence was soon disturbed by that of Edward. I knew it was him – the silence was there, the air of darkness melting into the place as he stood by my door and looked at me.

"Have you fucked her?"

I looked up at him, still hugging the pillow to me, stunned at his bluntness.

"You're pathetic." He hissed.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, you're pathetic." Another pause as he ran his hand through his hair and growled, "You've spent the past what, nine weeks? Messing with her, fucking with her head. You haven't told her you're broken, have you? That you _killed _my sister because you're fucking... _epileptic."_

_Glass shattered. Somebody in the doorway. "I'm going to get a drink, Jazz." Intoxicating. Alcohol. Glass. Stunned. Bella._

"Excuse me?!" That voice was different, emanating from the doorway and making the pair of us wheel around in surprise. "Jasper?" I glanced up, barely daring to look at her as the flush on her body intensified as her tone changed to steely.

"I can explain-" I managed to blurt out, refusing, once more, to lock eyes with her.

"Oh! Please do!" She shrieked, then slammed her hand across her mouth, "Oh, god!" Her fingers slid along her lips, brushing against her cheek as she dropped them, "Why on Earth didn't you say?"

A silence where Edward directed a triumphant smirk at me, and I thoroughly lost it.

"Because you won't want me anymore!" A yelp and a gasp – one from me, one from her. "I'm broken!"

"How can you say that?" she sounded genuinely stunned.

"What are we?" I countered the question with a question, finding it far too easy to cringe away from the thought of her loving me. It shouldn't be like this, it should be easy, but telling her, surely, meant letting her go.

"I'm your girl," She said simply, then, more slowly as the hurt crushed her face, "And you're a liar."

"Sorry?!" This time, it was my turn to glance around quickly, worried that this fight would be our first – and our last.

"I said, you're a liar. Every time I've asked you what's up, _this,_" She gestured between us, "has been playing on your mind, and I've just been too bloody blind to notice."

"Blind?"

"It's a condition, Jasper. Lovesickness." Her hand clamped down over her mouth and she stepped back, "I'm sorry... I-I have to go." She turned, and sprinted away.

"Bella!" Alice's voice rang out through the flat and the door slammed soon after. There was a moment where everything seemed to freeze, then, "_**Jasper**_!" I cringed and rolled over, burying myself into the pillow and breathing in her shampoo.

I heard Emmett stepping into the room – obvious because of the sound of his flip-flops as he took a series of evasive steps around the broken glass and tapped his hand on the door frame.

"Whitlock!" Damon's voice joined Alice's and I felt a hand curl around my shoulder, "Front and centre!"

"Jazz, shirt on, shoes on, explanation." That was Emmett, staring between Edward and me, the former still leaning against my wardrobe, though now a look of horror, rather than triumph, was gracing his face.

Everything was going to hell, and I was driving the train.

* * *

_A/N : Opinions ? Lots of people have this on alert... I'd like to hear from YOU ; ) xx_


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